How The Gender War Should've Ended
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Stan and Wendy are trying to end the Gender war, Cartman becomes leader of the boys and Heidi and Kyle try and make amends


Marsh residence.

Stan and Wendy entered the house after fixing their relationship for the third time.

Sparky started barking and jumped onto Wendy and started to lick her.

Stan: Sparky down boy.

Wendy: Hey Sparky.

Sparky continued licking Wendy.

Stan: I guess he's missed you.

Wendy: I've missed you too Sparky.

Stan: Sparky, that's enough.

Sparky stopped licking Wendy and got off her.

Wendy wiped the saliva that was on her face.

Randy: Hey Stan, Wendy?

Wendy: Hey Mr Marsh.

Randy: You two got back together?

Stan: Yeah. Thanks to Dr Hector.

(A/N: Read couples therapy so you know who Dr Hector is)

Randy: Dr Hector?

Stan: Yeah.

Randy: The cannibal?

Stan: Huh?

Randy: Sorry I heard there was a rumour that he ate one of his patients.

Stan: It's probably another one of your drunken fantasies Dad.

Randy: That's not true Stan. Now do whatever you were about to do.

Stan and Wendy went upstairs.

Before they entered Stan's room, Stan removed his "No girls" sign from his door.

They entered the room to find Butters standing there with his wiener out.

Butters: Fuck you traitor!

Stan: Butters! Leave us alone! We just got back together!

Butters: You're a traitor Stan!

Shelly showed up.

Shelly: What's going on turd?

Shelly than saw Butters.

Shelly: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Gross!

Butters: Oh shit!

Shelly than ran up to Butters and started to beat the living crap out of him.

Shelly threw Butters across the room.

Shelly punched Butters in the face causing him to have a nose bleed.

Shelly grabbed Butters by his collar.

Shelly: Next time you decide to flash your dick at me I'll tear it off and force you to eat it!

Butters: I'm sorry Shelly.

Butters left the room.

Butters: I still hate you Stan.

Butters went downstairs.

Shelly: Aren't you gonna say thank you turd?

Stan: Thanks Shelly.

Shelly: Shut up turd! Oh, hey Wendy.

Wendy: Hey Shelly.

Shelly: Jesus! Can there be a day where you two break up forever?

Stan: Shelly!

Shelly: Shut up turd!

Shelly left the room.

Stan closed the door.

Wendy sat on Stan's bed.

Stan: What are we gonna do about the war?

Wendy: I don't know Stan.

Stan: Maybe we should organise an assembly at school to try and convince everyone to stop.

Wendy: I guess we could try.

The next day.

South Park Elementary.

PC Principal: Alright everybody listen up, today we are gonna have- Dammit McCormick, Donovan, Token and Stotch pull your pants up!

Kenny, Clyde, Token and Butters pulled their pants up.

PC Principal: As I was saying, I know a lot of you are still struggling to coincide in a gender equal school, two students have decided to host an assembly to hopefully get all of you to come together as a school. Please welcome quarterback for the South Park Cows, Stan Marsh and student body president Wendy Testaburger.

PC Principal was the only one who applauded them.

Stan: Hey everyone.

Wendy: Hi.

Stan and Wendy were holding hands as they took centre.

Stan: I know a lot of you are still distrusting each other, but could we at least try and work things out together as a school?

Wendy: Me and Stan are planning to start a new movement to end this war, we call it the "End the gender war movement"

Stan: #endthegenderwarmovement.

Wendy: Stan don't do that.

Stan: Sorry.

Wendy: Me and Stan think we should stop this pointless arguing and come together-

Cartman: Boo Wendy! Boo! Boo Wendy Testaburger Boo! Boo! Boo!

Wendy: Come together and try and talk things-

Cartman: Boo Wendy! Boo! Liar! Boo!

Wendy: Stan.

Stan: What she was trying to say was, we should all come together and-

Cartman: Boo Stan! Boo! Boo Stan Marsh!

Stan: PC Principal, can you do something about this?

PC Principal: Eric you are heading down the right path for 3 weeks detention if you continue interrupting!

Cartman: I'm interrupting them because they're boring. Boo! Boo Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger! Boo!

Stan: Please let us finish!

Nelly: Why should we listen?

Butters: I'm actually agreeing with a girl for once, fuck you two!

Butters than pulled his pants down.

And all the other boys (except Kyle) did the same thing.

Stan: This is immature!

PC Principal: Damnit students! This needs to stop.

Wendy ran out of the gymnasium crying.

Stan ran after Wendy.

Outside the gymnasium.

Wendy was crying.

Stan: Wendy?

Wendy: Oh Stan, this assembly has been a disaster. We might as well face it, nobody's gonna listen to us.

Stan: No no no no no, Wendy look at me.

Wendy looked at Stan.

Stan: We're just gonna have to keep trying.

Wendy: No Stan, it's no use. We're just gonna have to give up.

Stan: Wendy this isn't you.

Wendy: What do you mean Stan?

Stan: Wendy do you wanna know why I fell in love with you?

Wendy: Was it because I was pretty?

Stan: Not just that, you were so outspoken, you never gave up on anything and you never backed down to peer pressure. That's why I love you Wendy, you never back down on anything.

Wendy: Oh Stan.

Stan and Wendy hugged each other.

Stan looked in her eyes and wiped her tears.

Kyle came out of the gymnasium.

Kyle: So you two got back together?

Stan: Yeah.

Kyle: Oh I'm shocked.

Stan: Was that sarcasm?

Kyle: No Stan it wasn't! Of course it was!

Stan: Kyle, what's wrong?

Kyle: Well you two always fix things. Just face it guys your new movement, it's not gonna work. I don't think a speech of mine is gonna help this either.

Wendy: But Kyle, me and Stan need your help since you want this to end as well.

Kyle: You want my help?

Kyle laughed.

Kyle: Why should I help you? You two didn't help me when Heidi was in a horrible relationship with Cartman. All you two could do was sit there and watch her suffer. So here's my offer you two, fuck off.

Stan and Wendy gave Kyle a disapproving look.

Stan: Kyle-

Kyle: No! Fuck off! I don't care if you want my help! Just find someone else! How about Bridon Gueermo? I heard the Gender war caused him to be home schooled because he was being harassed by the girls!

Kyle entered the gymnasium.

Stan: Bridon was home schooled?

Wendy: Yeah.

Stan: I think we could use his help.

Wendy: I don't think it's gonna work.

Later.

Recess.

Heidi (Still fat but lost about 13 pounds) was jogging along the playground until she came across Cartman and the boys.

Cartman: Where you going Heidi?

Heidi: Leave me alone Eric. I'm trying to become my old self again.

Cartman: You shouldn't have left me Heidi. You turned me into a monster.

Heidi: You were already a monster.

Cartman: Fuck you bitch!

Butters: Yeah!

Cartman: Boys "Wieners Out"

Cartman was about to pull down his pants until...

Butters: Hey! Who put you in charge?

Cartman kicked Butters in the balls.

Cartman: I did.

Cartman pulled his pants down and committed indecent exposure.

Heidi: Pull your fucking pants up!

The other boys did the same.

Kyle watched from afar feeling angry and ashamed.

Heidi: Let me pass Eric!

Cartman: I won't you fat skank!

Heidi: Don't call me fat!

Cartman: Why? You think you're big boned?

Heidi: Shut up!

Kyle than showed up in front of Heidi.

Kyle: Leave her alone guys!

Cartman: Out of my way you stupid Jew.

Kyle: You think you're tough pulling your pants down?! No! You pulling your pants down makes it easier to make me destroy your weak spot!

Kyle than grabbed Cartman's balls (Please don't write anymore fan fiction about that)

Cartman: Let them go you fag!

Kyle: I won't let them go if you don't let her pass in peace! Not just you, but your fucking army of losers!

Kyle let's got of Cartman's balls.

Cartman than fell to the floor and started crying.

Kyle: Anyone else what me to destroy the next generation of your family!

The boys ran off.

Cartman got up.

Cartman: Mark my words Khal, you will not get away with this!

Cartman than ran off with the others.

Heidi: I could've handled it.

Kyle: You looked like you were struggling.

Heidi: Like I said I could've handled it.

Kyle: I shouldn't have gotten that angry.

Heidi: I've never seen you that angry before, what was that?

Kyle: That was Kyley B, AKA my New Jersey side.

Heidi: Oh.

Kyle and Heidi stared at each other for a bit.

Heidi: Kyle.

Kyle: Yeah?

Heidi: Listen can we like hang out after school maybe?

Kyle just stared at her.

Heidi: If you don't want to that's fine.

Kyle: Heidi, I will actually.

After school.

Gueermo residence.

Stan knocked on the door.

Mr Gueermo answered and of course he was singing.

Mr Gueermo: Hello! How are you? What can I do?

Stan: Hi, we need to see your son.

Mr Gueermo stopped singing.

Mr Gueermo: Oh he's outside playing basketball.

Stan: Thanks Mr Gueermo.

Stan and Wendy went outback.

They watched Bridon dribble the ball for 30 seconds and threw it in the net.

Stan: Great shot.

Bridon: Well, I wouldn't be playing basketball if it weren't for you.

Bridon than stood in shock when he saw Wendy.

Wendy: Hey Bridon.

Bridon: Hey Stan. Could I talk to you?

Stan: It's about Wendy isn't it?

Bridon: Yeah! All she did was boo me every time they watched basketball. Not just her, but the girls as well.

Wendy: Look it was at a time where-

Bridon: And you accused me of being SkankHunt42.

Wendy: That was at a time-

Bridon: Wendy, what happened? We used to hang out and do musicals together as friends!

Wendy: Bridon, I'm sorry.

Bridon: You should've done that a long time ago.

Stan: Bridon, me and Wendy are trying to end the war and we need your help.

Bridon: Why? When I talk to the girls they just tell me to fuck off.

Stan: Bridon, do you know why people liked you?

Bridon: Why?

Stan: Actually I don't know. I just thought it was because you did musicals.

Bridon: Well, I'm sorry Stan. I'm not helping you or her.

Wendy: Bridon, we really could use your help. Like we could write a song.

Bridon: I don't think some upbeat positive Disney style song is gonna work. I know I did that a lot, but that was because my Dad forced me.

Stan: I have to agree with you Bridon.

Bridon: Thank you.

Stan: But seriously Bridon, we're only begging you one more time. Help us.

Bridon stared at the basketball for a minute.

Bridon: Alright Stan, since you convinced me to achieve my dreams, I'll help you and your girlfriend end this war.

Stan and Wendy smiled.

Stan: Thanks Bridon.

Mr Gueermo showed up singing again.

Mr Gueermo: Bridon, are you going back to musicals. If that is true I'll be-

Stan: Alright dude. Seriously stop singing in every sentence, I can't tell if you're speaking or singing. This isn't Les Misérables, just speak like a normal human being!

Mr Gueermo was shocked after hearing that sentence.

Stan and Bridon left the backyard.

Wendy: Sorry Mr Gueermo, my boyfriend's a bit of a cynical asshole.

Meanwhile.

Kyle and Heidi were eating at Subway.

Heidi was having a Subway salad whilst Kyle was just having a sandwich.

Kyle: So, you decided to go back to your vegan diet?

Heidi: Yeah. I really wanted to go back to my old self. So I decided to go back on my vegan diet and work out.

Kyle: That's good.

Heidi: Kyle, I asked you out because I really wanted to make amends with you.

Kyle: What do you mean?

Heidi: Don't act like you don't know! Sorry, trying to avoid that. Kyle, I'm sorry for ripping on you for being Jewish and I'm sorry for dumping you for that monster. Eric manipulated me. And you were right you wouldn't have the hots for a girl like me.

Heidi had a tear in her eye.

Heidi: A fat monster. That's what I was.

Kyle: I only said that because you were rude and ripped on everybody. I didn't care that you were, um...

Heidi: Fat?

Kyle: Yeah that word. I knew you were still you inside. You were manipulated by an awful person into becoming something equally worse. Heidi, I still thought you were beautiful.

Heidi wiped her tear and smiled.

Heidi: Do you wanna come to Starks Pond with me after we've finished?

Kyle: Yeah. Sure.

Meanwhile.

Stotch residence.

The Wieners Out movement were in the basement.

Butters: Boys I have called you here. Because the Stan and Wendy are-

Cartman: Ay! I'm in charge now!

Butters: No you aren't Eric. You only joined the right group because Heidi broke up with you and you wanted revenge!

Cartman: Alright, I'm gonna be honest. I did join the group so I could return the favour of Heidi showing me her vagina by-

Clyde: Wait she showed you her vagina?

Cartman: Yeah.

Kenny: You lucky bastard!

Cartman: As I was saying, I only joined so I could show Heidi my wiener and also take leadership from Butters.

Butters: Well Eric, it's great that you are- Wait what was the last part?

Cartman: Butters I challenge you to duel.

Cartman thumped his chest two times.

Cartman: One boy to another and only the strongest shall be the leader of the boys.

The boys all backed away from Butters and Cartman.

Butters: So be it.

Butters and Cartman prepared battle positions.

Butters: For the rights of boys.

Cartman: For the colonel and his precious fried chicken, cheesy poofs, my reputation and the boys.

Cartman and Butters stared at each other for a while with Ennio Morricone's The Trio playing in the background.

Cartman: Make the first move.

Butters pulled his pants down revealing his wiener.

Cartman: That's your only move?

Butters: Eric you know I'm not a fighter.

Cartman: Well this should be easy.

Cartman kicked Butters in the wiener and punched him to the ground.

Token turned off the music.

Cartman than wailed on Butters by repeatedly punching him.

Butters was bleeding from his mouth and his nose and had a swollen eye.

Cartman finished and sat beside him.

Craig: He's the leader.

Clyde: Cartman?

Cartman looked at the boys.

Cartman: I'm finished.

Kenny: It can't be!

Cartman: My first order of business is, I need somebody to take Butters to a hospital and get me some KFC to celebrate my victory.

Kenny just stood in shock.

Meanwhile.

Marsh residence.

Stan was in his room printing some posters that say #endthegenderwar.

Stan: How go the pamphlets Bridon?

Bridon: Great.

Stan: You posting the new movement on social media Wendy?

Wendy: Yeah Stan.

Stan: How many shirts do we have Timmy?

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Stan: That's enough. And again Timmy sorry for there not being a ramp for you to get upstairs.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Wendy: Stan, I think it might work this.

Stan: Yeah. We're trying.

Bridon: Wait I have to ask, why wasn't Timmy a part of the war?

Stan: Well Timmy wasn't aware of it. When the girls dirty looked him, he thought it was because he was handicapped.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Stan: Yeah as soon as everyone comes together as a school, this whole SkankHunt42 nonsense will be forgotten.

Suddenly a brick smashed through Stan's window.

Wendy: AAAAHHH!

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Stan: What the fuck?!

Bridon takes the piece of paper from the brick.

Bridon: Randy, take me back. You stupid son of a bitch! Huh?

Randy entered Stan's room.

Randy: Sorry Stan that's my brick. This is yours.

Randy gave Stan his brick.

Stan: Who's it from?

Randy: Probably a jealous ex of mine.

Stan: No. I meant mine.

Randy: Probably your jealous ex.

Stan: What?

Wendy looked at Stan with a stern look.

Stan: Dad. Wendy's been my only girlfriend.

Stan started to read the letter.

Stan: We are gonna kill you and your movement will never work.

Wendy: Who is it from?

Stan: It says it's from the girls.

Wendy: Are the girls really going that far?

Bridon: Probably. I mean they are pretty insane. No offence Wendy.

Wendy: None taken.

Suddenly another brick smashes through Stan's window.

Stan: What does it say now?

Wendy started to read the letter.

Wendy: I felt left out that's why I did it, signed Dad.

Stan: Dad!

Randy: Sorry.

Meanwhile.

Starks Pond.

Kyle and Heidi were walking.

Kyle: So how much weight have you lost so far?

Heidi: Around 13 pounds.

Kyle: Well done.

Heidi: Thanks Kyle.

Kyle: Heidi. Do you think I'm a monster?

Heidi: Why ask that?

Kyle: I caused the President to nuke Canada.

Heidi: Well did you feed your enemies parents to him?

Kyle: No.

Heidi: Kyle, you didn't mean for that to happen. It was just unintentional. You're not the real monster. Eric is.

Kyle and Heidi sat down on a bench.

Heidi: Kyle why do you like, like me?

Kyle: I don't know. I thought I didn't until one of the girls pointed it out.

Heidi: Well, I didn't really have a crush on Eric before I dated him. I liked him because I thought he was nice. But that was because he was pretending to change, he was still a monster inside. Especially when he didn't prove his-

Heidi than came to a realisation.

Heidi: He knew this was gonna happen. That son of a bitch!

Kyle: Wait, who did you have a crush on?

Heidi: Oh Sorry. I got off topic. To be honest, I've always had a crush on you.

Kyle: Was it because of my ass?

Heidi laughed.

Heidi: What?

Kyle: Well Bebe was attracted to my ass at one point.

Heidi: Well it wasn't because of your ass, it was because you were smart and cute.

Heidi placed her hand on Kyle's.

Kyle smiled and Heidi smiled back.

They leaned in and their lips connected.

They disconnected.

Heidi: I have been waiting to that for a while.

Suddenly a sound of a applause was heard.

Cartman: Well, well, well. Kyle got his first kiss and from someone I didn't expect.

Kyle: What do you want fat ass?

Cartman: Oh nothing. Heidi still looking fat!

Heidi: Eric, if you're begging me to come back to you, threatening yourself isn't gonna help one bit.

Cartman: No! I came here to tell you that I'm the leader of the boys and also the ambush.

Kyle: What ambush?

Cartman set up a deck chair and opens a bag of popcorn.

Cartman: This ambush.

Suddenly Kyle was hit by a tranquilliser.

Kyle: What the hell?

Cartman: Curtesy of Kenny's honorary uncle Jimbo Kern AKA Stan's uncle.

Kyle started to feel weak.

Kyle: Heidi. Run.

Heidi started to run.

Cartman: Guys? Could you give me and Khal some time alone.

The boys left Cartman and Kyle alone.

Kyle: Why?

Cartman: Because I felt like it Jew. So how about I tell you my plan? You see Khal, I actually found the war quite entertaining and funny and I wanted it to continue. So in order for it to continue I had to do one thing in order to make it continue, I plan to frame a girl so that way the boys will blame them and the girls and boys will continue fighting.

Kyle: Cartman, you aren't planning to frame-

Cartman: Heidi? No! Somebody who is trying to end it.

Kyle: Wendy?

Cartman: Yes. But crap, if only there was a way to frame her for SkankHunt42's wrong doings. Wait a minute I do have a way to frame her. I had a friend to make this for me.

Cartman showed Kyle a piece of paper with the TrollTrace symbol with Wendy and Stan's name on it.

Kyle: Wait, why is Stan's name on it?

Cartman: Oh I forgot to tell you. I'm also planning to frame Stan for being the troll.

Kyle: Why frame two people when you're only supposed to frame one?

Cartman: Because, I will send these separately. One for the boys and one for the girls.

Kyle started to feel weary and his eyes closed and fell to sleep.

Meanwhile.

Marsh Residence.

Stan, Wendy, Bridon and Timmy were still in Stan's room preparing for their movement.

Stan: Alright, how many T-shirts now Timmy?

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Stan: Great.

Bridon: It might work Stan, it might work. I'll see ya later Stan.

Stan: Bridon?

Bridon: Sorry Stan, my Dad doesn't want me home late. I'll see you tomorrow at the assembly.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Bridon: You need assistance Timmy?

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Bridon: See you two around.

Bridon and Timmy left.

Stan: Don't you need to go home?

Wendy: My parents said I could stay over.

Stan: Really?

Wendy: Yeah. Oh your parents know,don't worry.

Stan: Great.

Wendy got onto Stan's bed.

Stan joined her and they started cuddling.

Wendy kissed Stan on the cheek.

Wendy: I love you Stan Marsh.

Stan: I love you too, Wendy Testaburger.

They stared into each other's eyes.

And leaned in for a kiss.

Suddenly a brick smashed through Stan's window, interrupting the kiss.

They looked outside to see a mob of girls.

The girls stood there yelling.

Annie: Fuck you Wendy!

Bebe: You fucking slut!

Red: Why are you with SkankHunt42?!

Wendy: What?

Stan closed the window.

Wendy: Stan, why did they call you SkankHunt42?

Stan: It's a setup probably.

Wendy: How do I know you're not lying?

Stan held Wendy's shoulders.

Stan: Wendy look into my eyes. I am not SkankHunt42. If I was SkankHunt42, why would I call you a smart cunt?

Wendy: You asked Jimmy to call me that once after our first breakup.

Stan: Did I? I swore I remembered asking him to tell you I said "you were a continuing source of inspiration to me"

Wendy: And am I?

Stan: Of course you are.

Wendy was about to kiss Stan when another brick smashed through Stan's window.

Stan: Ok! Why bricks? Can't they just throws something else?

Suddenly Ike smashes through the window.

Ike: Ow! That fucking hurt.

Stan: We should get out of here.

Meanwhile.

Cartman residence.

Kyle was in the basement tied to a chair.

Butters was introducing Kyle and he had a band aid on his injured eye.

Butters: Behold one of the few boys who betrayed us.

Kyle: Butters?

Butters: Oh! Cartman became leader after beating the living Jesus out of me.

Cartman: Thank you for the introduction Butters, now boys. Prepare for the attack on SkankHunt42's house AKA Wendy Testaburger.

The boys cheered.

Kyle: Guys! You have to-

Cartman stuck duct tape on Kyle's mouth.

Cartman: How about you Shut up?

Kenny looked at Cartman with suspicion.

Cartman: Now! Attack SkankHunt42!

The boys (Except Kenny and Cartman) left the basement to attack Wendy's house.

Cartman: Kinny, why aren't you going?

Kenny: Cartman this is too extreme for us, I'm not doing it. Since you took leadership you basically turned us into monsters and I hugely doubt that Wendy is SkankHunt42. Sure she can be a bitch, but she wouldn't go that far and become a troll and neither would Stan.

Cartman: Why mention Stan, Kinny?

Kenny: Because I heard the girls attacked his house, thinking he was SkankHunt42. It seems like a coincidence that these two got the blame.

Cartman: What are you trying to get at Kinny?

Kenny: You framed them! That's what you did!

Cartman: What?

Kyle than started making noises through the duct tape from Kyle's mouth.

Kenny: And by the sound of Kyle's screams, I'm right.

Kenny than started to speed walk.

Kenny: I'm gonna everyone what you did, it might not end the war. But it will be pretty use-

As Kenny was walking up the stairs out of the basement, he suddenly slipped and tumbled down.

When he reached the bottom, Kenny had broke his neck.

Cartman: Oh my God! Kinny died like a bitch.

Kyle made a muffling sound that sounded like "You bastards"

Meanwhile.

Stan and Wendy were running.

Stan: I hope your house is safe.

Wendy: Hope so too.

Heidi: You two!

Stan and Wendy held their hands up.

Heidi: Don't worry I'm not with them.

Wendy: What is it Heidi?

Heidi: Wendy, don't go to your house. It's under attack by the boys.

Stan: Yup she's right.

From a distance they saw Wendy's house being attacked by the boys and Wendy's parents are trying to hold them off.

Stan: Wait why do people think Wendy's SkankHunt42? And why do people think I am?

Heidi: Eric wants the war to continue. So he framed both of you two so the two rivals will try and kill each other. And I know SkankHunt42 isn't part of neither faction.

Stan: What?

Heidi: Come with me.

Meanwhile.

Stevens residence.

Nelly: Did they get away?

Bebe: I think so.

Nelly: Shit.

Bebe: But it's a good thing we have two of their members captured.

Bridon was tied to a chair whilst Timmy was tied to his own.

Bridon: Ladies, this is kind of ridiculous.

Nelly: Don't think your good looks and charm are gonna let you get away with it.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Bridon: I agree Timmy, it does seem like a bitch move to tie a handicapped kid to his own chair.

Nelly: Oh agreed.

Nelly than knocked Timmy off his chair.

Bebe: Nelly that's a little harsh.

Nelly: They're boys! They need to pay.

Bebe: But, he's handicapped.

Nelly: Bebe, they're the monsters not us.

Bebe: No Nelly, I think you're the monster.

Nelly: What do you mean?

Bebe: I have a cousin who's handicapped and what you did to Timmy pisses me off.

Bebe than punches Nelly knocking her out.

Bridon: Whoah!

Timmy: BEBE!

Bebe helped Timmy into his chair.

Timmy: BEBE!

Bebe: You're welcome Timmy.

Bebe untied Bridon.

Bridon: Bebe, why?

Bebe: This was a one time guarantee Bridon. I only did it because Nelly hurt Timmy.

Bridon: Thanks Bebe. Come on Timmy.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

As Bridon and Timmy exited Bebe couldn't help but stair at Bridon's ass.

Bebe: Mmmm! Dat ass!

Bridon: Did you say something?

Bebe: Oh nothing.

Bridon and Timmy left.

Bebe: He may be an enemy of the girls, but he still has a great ass.

Bridon and Timmy were on the stop of the stairs.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Bridon: I know Timmy, your worst enemy. The first step.

Meanwhile.

Turner residence.

Stan, Wendy and Heidi entered Heidi's room.

Heidi than pulled out a bulletin board of pictures of students.

Stan: What is this?

Heidi: I've been trying to track down SkankHunt42 with the help of a skill I have called Emoji Analyses. And I've narrowed it down, SkankHunt42 is neither boy or girl. But an adult.

Wendy: But who?

Heidi: I don't know, I lost track when I dated Eric. That I just forgot about it until now.

Stan: So we were played?

Wendy: Oh my God! So it was some son of a bitch who made me break up with Stan?

Heidi: Or it could be just a bitch, I never got around into identifying the sex.

Wendy: Whoever this adult is, he or she is pure evil.

Suddenly a Molotov cocktail smashed through the window and set Heidi's room on fire.

Stan: Fuck!

Stan looked outside to see the boys throwing bricks and rocks.

Wendy: Where did they get Molotov cocktails?

Heidi: That's not important.

They ran out of Heidi's house, but got surrounded by the boys.

Butters: You will accompany us.

Stan: Where will you take us?

Tweek: To our boss Eric Cartman!

Heidi: Oh yeah! I forgot to mention Cartman's the leader of the boys and is holding Kyle hostage.

Stan: Why?!

Token: Because Kyle kissed Heidi.

Stan: Really, he'd wanna kiss-

Wendy: Stan!

Stan: I wasn't gonna say fat, I was gonna say somebody who ripped on him.

Heidi: I wanted to make amends and it just happened.

Craig: Enough! You will accompany us

Bridon: No! There are to come with us, Cartman's orders.

Craig: But-

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Bridon: What he said.

Craig: Very well.

The group of boys left

Stan: Bridon, thank you

Bridon than punched Stan in the face

Wendy: Bridon!

Bridon: That's what you get SkankHunt42!

Stan: Bridon, I am not SkankHunt42!

Bridon: Why did Nelly say that you were than?

Heidi: Because he was framed by Cartman!

Bridon: Oh! Sorry.

Timmy: Ooooohhhhhhhh!

Stan: Come on we got to rescue Kyle.

Bridon: Right!

Wendy than punched Bridon in the face.

Stan: What was that for?

Wendy: That's what he gets for punching you.

Meanwhile.

Cartman residence.

Kyle was still tied in the basement with Cartman watching.

Cartman: So Khal, what was it like kissing Heidi?

Kyle still had duct tape on his mouth.

Cartman: Oh yeah sorry.

Cartman teared the duct tape from Kyle's mouth.

Kyle: Thanks fat ass.

Cartman: Now tell me Kyle, what was it like kissing Heidi?

Kyle: It was-

Suddenly the sound of a window being smashed was heard

Cartman: Da fuck!

Cartman went upstairs to investigate

Kyle: Hey fat ass!

Craig entered the basement.

Craig: In case you're wondering what's happening, the girls are attacking the boys.

Craig exited the basement.

Kyle: Shit!

Stan, Wendy, Heidi and Bridon entered the basement.

Kyle: Guys?

Timmy was still on the top of the stairs

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Bridon: Timmy, you don't need to enter the basement we're only rescuing Kyle.

Timmy than fell into the basement along with his chair.

Bridon: Well that's one way to get down the stairs.

Stan untied Kyle from his chair.

Heidi than hugged Kyle.

Heidi: Thank God you're ok.

Timmy: Oooh Timmy!

Bridon: Isn't she a little big?

Stan, Wendy, Heidi and Kyle all gave Bridon a dirty look.

Wendy: Why did I have that small crush on you?

There was another loud bang as somebody threw another Molotov cocktail.

Stan grabbed a fire extinguisher and exited the basement and put the fire out.

Stan: Ok this has gone too far.

Outside Cartman's house, the boys all had their wieners out and the girls stood there with bricks, Molotov cocktails and rocks.

Nelly: Once I'm done with you, I'm gonna kick Bebe's ass.

Cartman: Come on bitch!

Nichole: This is immature!

Token: You shouldn't have blamed me for being SkankHunt42!

Stan and Wendy stood in front of them.

Stan: Everyone stop!

Wendy: This is going too far!

Cartman: Don't listen her guys! She's SkankHunt42!

Nelly: Liar! Wendy may be a traitor but she isn't SkankHunt42! Stan is.

Bridon and Timmy joined them by standing in front of the opposing sides too.

Jimmy: Timmy? You traitor!

Timmy flipped Jimmy off.

Timmy: Jimmy!

Bridon: Guys. When the girls captured me, they told me the same thing and I believed them for a while.

Butters: It was because they were trying to frame that traitor.

Heidi: That's where you got it all wrong. I've done something called emoji analysis and narrowed down that SkankHunt42 is an adult.

Cartman: Bullshit Heidi!

Heidi: Don't say that Cartman, you knew all along that it was an adult when you were with me.

Kyle: What Heidi's trying to get around is this...

Kyle took a deep breath.

Cartman: No! No! No! No! Khal, no gay speeches remember?

Nichole: Let him speak fat ass!

Kyle: You see, this Gender war is what SkankHunt42 wanted, brother against sister, cousin against cousin, boyfriend against girlfriend, making students home schooled and leading Timmy into believing he was being hated for being handicapped. SkankHunt42 is a sexist monster and look at yourselves. You've not turned into leaders standing for what's right you've turned into sexist monsters because that's What SkankHunt42 wanted, a reaction. So in order to defeat SkankHunt42 we have to, you know? Hang out with the opposite sex again. You see, I learned something today. What Cartman and Heidi did, when he was nice for some reason. They were fighting SkankHunt42 and they wanted you to do the same thing. So can we just come together as a school again?

Token: He's right.

Red: I feel stupid.

Cartman: Fuck you Khal! Don't listen to him, wieners out!

Butters was the only one who did it.

The other boys didn't.

Jimmy: We're not d-d-d-doing it anymore.

Tweek: Yeah! Fuck you! Aaaahhhhh I told Cartman "Fuck you!" Am I dead?

Craig: Not while I'm here.

Nelly: Well you may have changed, but you're still our enemies!

All the girls except Nelly stood with the boys.

Cartman and Butters just moved away from the boys.

Cartman: Ay! What da fuck are you guys doing?! Butters is still standing with me, despite the fact that I beat the living crap out of him.

Butters: Yeah!

Craig: Not anymore Cartman!

Craig flipped Cartman off.

Nelly: What are you girls doing?

Nichole: Kyle's right, we've been turned into monsters and all because we just overreacted.

Nelly: You fuckers!

Kyle walked up to Heidi.

Kyle: So Heidi, do you wanna see a move this Saturday?

Heidi: Kyle, you're a sweet guy and I really like you. But I'm sorry I can't. I want to focus more on trying to lose this weight and get my life back on track.

Kyle: Oh. That's fine.

Kyle has a tear rolling down his face.

Heidi: Hey, don't do that.

Heidi wiped his tear with her hand.

Heidi: When I'm ready to get back in the dating world, I promise you'll be the first guy I'll come to.

Kyle: Ok. How will I know you won't break it?

Heidi kissed Kyle on the cheek.

Heidi: Is this evidence that I won't break your promise?

Heidi went home

Butters: Nelly! This doesn't change anything

4 days later

South Park elementary

Stan was walking down the hallway looking at what Kyle had achieved

He saw Kevin and Red kissing, Annie and Daniel Tanner were cuddling and Token and Nichole were just talking

Suddenly a basketball hit Stan

Stan: What the?

And it was by Bridon

Bridon: Sorry.

Stan: Welcome back.

Bridon: Yeah. You mean to school or my basketball team?

Stan: Both.

Bridon: Figured my team still needed me, the coach said I was in and I didn't even ask

Stan: That's amazing Bridon.

Bridon than hugged Stan.

Stan: Um ok. This isn't gay at all.

Bridon stopped hugging Stan and walked off

Kyle was sulking by his locker.

Stan: Hey, still stuck up about Heidi?

Kyle: Yeah. But I might as well get over it now and move on.

Stan: Yeah. We're all moving on, boys and girls are interacting like people again.

Stan looked over and saw Butters and Nelly fighting.

Stan: Mostly. Kyle, we can move on now. I mean what's the worst that can happen?

After Stan said that a pamphlet flew past and it said "Vote Conner"


End file.
